Number Fourteen

It is late and I have to get up at the ass crack of dawn! I have no idea what to talk about and my day was ok just like all the others. My life for the most part is boring. the most exciting part of my day was when I let Gabe outside during the rain storm. He played in his new rain coat and galoshes with the toy car. He was so cute! He also threw a huge temper tantrum when I made him come inside. Anyway I have to go to bed now. I was a fun semester. I hope you liked my papers and I enjoyed you as a teacher. Have a good summer and GOOD LUCK!!!

Number Thirteen

I thought I could escape but apparently the internet is much more vast and knowledgeable then I thought. My friend that my space has found for me, has my same name except her middle name is Elizabeth. (Megan's (my daughter) middle name) She lives in Washington State and found this she is 15.

This is how my life was shaken and not stirred:

It was early May and Audrey Geisler sat alone on a wooden bench, shaking as she watched her fiancé being led into a Providence courtroom.

He wore an orange jumpsuit and leg shackles and said little as a judge arraigned him on charges of killing 8-year-old Savannah Smith, their neighbor in Woonsocket.

But it wasn't the cuffs or the horror of the crime that Geisler remembered noticing. It was the look on his face.

"It didn't look like him at all. He looked distant and in his eyes, he wasn't there. He was totally and completely not there," she remembers thinking.

More than 20 miles away in Tiverton, Patricia Baesemann turned on the television and unexpectedly caught the same courtroom footage, a site that caused her to freeze in uneasy familiarity. There on the evening news was Joshua Davis, her first love and best friend from high school.

She, too, noticed that faraway look on his face. But unlike Geisler, it didn't surprise her. As a teenager, Baesemann called it "his wide-eyed look" and it had scared her.

Now, six years later, she saw it again. It still scared her.

The police and prosecutors say Davis picked up Savannah Smith at a park in the neighborhood where they both lived. Hours later, detectives found Savannah's body in a wooded area of Cranston.

Friday, Davis, 21, who has been held at the Adult Correctional Institutions since his May 7 arrest, was indicted by a Providence grand jury on one count of murder, one count of first-degree child molestation and one count of kidnapping a minor.

FOR GEISLER and Davis, teenage romance started at Domino's Pizza in Warwick, where Geisler worked as a delivery girl. Occasionally, Davis would walk by and stop in to see Geisler, who also attended Pilgrim High School, as she headed out with a stack of pizzas. At first, Geisler said she paid little attention to the "handsome guy with the red hair. " But after a while, she said she started looking for excuses to go outside in the hope of seeing him.

"He'd come and he'd hug me and he smelled so wonderful and he was always so nicely dressed," Geisler, 22, recalled in one of several phone interviews.

The two began dating in October 2002. By then, Davis had dropped out of Pilgrim and was working odd jobs in the area. Geisler, an honors student, was juggling school with her job.

Seven months later, Davis proposed -- the first of several times he would do so over the next few years. Geisler gave birth to their first child, Megan, last year.

Davis, she said, struggled with depression a lot during their relationship and used drugs, but has never been violent toward her or their daughter.

In fact, when Geisler became pregnant last year, she said, Davis was worried about the idea of being responsible for a child, or even having to hold the baby. Geisler convinced Davis to accompany her to Lamaze class and he seemed to relax a little.

In October, he stayed with Geisler during 36 hours of labor. "I was in so much pain, but he just kept holding me and looking at me," she recalled.

After the baby's birth, money was tight and Davis was working long hours at Sterling Movers in Cranston to try to make ends meet. The couple began fighting incessantly and both were always tired.

In February, they moved from Warwick to an apartment on Coe Street in Woonsocket, where the rent was cheaper and the landlord let them keep their cat and dog. Soon, Geisler learned she was pregnant with their second child.

It was during that time that the couple grew friendly with the neighbors across the street -- David Smith and his children. The families often gathered in the street between their houses, where Smith and Davis would sip beer and the girls would lick powdered sugar off their hands from the German bonbons Geisler treated them to.

The couple, she said, had settled in to their new home.

PATRICIA BAESEMANN remembers a different side of the boy she, too, loved.

Baesemann met Davis when the two were just 10. Back then, she was Patricia Morgan and living near Davis in Warwick. Several years later, in the awkward years of early adolescence, they began dating.

It was a relationship crafted from loneliness. Baesemann had her own share of family troubles and found herself as isolated as Davis, she said. So they did what any teenagers do, they started spending all their time together, mostly at his family's house on West Shore Road.

Davis loved his grandmother dearly, Baesemann said, but his relationship with his mother was rocky.

It wasn't long before Baesemann started seeing a temper in Davis. It started at school. He didn't have many friends there, but he'd pick a fight with anyone he could find. Eventually, he started picking on her.

"The big thing was he would take it out on himself; he'd punch a wall, he'd punch a tree, he'd punch anything he could get his hands on. There was one time he punched a cement wall and wiped the blood on me and said, 'This is what you do to me,' " Baesemann said.

The anger was always accompanied by a look in his eyes. Baesemann called it "that wide-eyed look" and it scared her.

During the bad times, she'd try to calm Davis with presents -- stuffed animals and fake flowers, anything she could find to let him know she cared. But by the time both were in their mid-teens, Davis' behavior had grown worse.

Baesemann tried on several occasions to break up with him, but the result was always the same, she said. Davis would hear the news and go ballistic, screaming and hitting things and often telling her if she went through with it, he'd kill himself. One time, he got so distraught, he drank antifreeze as Baesemann watched.

She panicked and called the police, who told her that Davis was depressed and sent him for a psychiatric evaluation, she said.

But Baesemann said none of those incidents compared with the one that occurred the day when they were about 15 or 16. As Baesemann remembers it, they were walking home from the school bus and they were fighting. Again, she tried to end it.

That afternoon, she and her mother returned from running errands and spotted Davis walking down the street near their house, smiling.

And they saw why. Perched on Baesemann's front porch were each of the stuffed animals she'd given Davis over the years. Their heads had been ripped off and the furry wounds were covered with red paint, like blood.

Baesemann said her mother called the police, but Baesemann said she begged them to leave Davis alone.

"He had a good heart, it's just there was so much going on in his life, I think he forgot how to use it," she said recently, wondering aloud what might have happened if she hadn't moved to South Kingstown, where her mother forbade her from contacting Davis.

For nearly two years, she didn't see the boy she called her first love. She heard he had gotten into drugs. But he'd also started dating a girl they knew from growing up, Audrey Geisler.

A member of Josh Davis' family, who have refused to speak publicly, said he may have used drugs, but like Geisler, insists he was never violent and never had any inappropriate contact with children.

EARLY IN THE afternoon on Sunday, May 7, a pregnant Geisler wasn't feeling well, so she sat outside with their daughter, Megan, in front of their house on Coe Street while Davis washed the car with help from the Smith girls across the street. They shared a bag of Doritos with Davis, who was having a couple of beers, and helped use the power sprayer.

She said she remembers thinking it was a little weird that he allowed them to help. She said Davis wasn't especially patient with children, except for his daughter.

"I wasn't feeling good, so Josh told me to go upstairs and to bring the baby with me because she was getting fussy," she remembers.

At around 5:30 p. m. , Geisler noticed Davis' car was gone. She was worried because he had been drinking.

When she realized he hadn't returned, Geisler said, she opened the window and spotted David Smith in the street. She asked whether he had seen Davis. Smith said he hadn't, but said he'd heard from his niece that Savannah had gotten in the car with Davis and gone somewhere.

Smith asked her to call Davis, and Geisler left a message for him with a friend in Warwick, who said Davis had just left his house.

Woonsocket police records show that Smith called the police at 7:19 p. m. to say he couldn't find his daughter.

At 8 p. m. , Davis returned home to a sea of police officers on his street. They were looking for Savannah and asked him whether he knew where she was.

When we went upstairs, "he was distracted looking," Geisler remembers. "I thought at first it was 'cause all the police were there. There were a lot of cops around looking and it was intimidating. It's usually a quiet street. I just figured he was a little tense 'cause all the people were there. "

Geisler was making hot dogs for dinner and realizing she'd run out of ketchup, she asked him to go out and pick some up. When he got in the car to leave, the police asked him not to, saying they needed him to make a statement, according to Geisler.

She disputes that Davis ever tried to run from the police, as David Smith, Savannah's father, told reporters when Davis was arrested. In fact, she said, when the police put Davis in the cruiser at what she says was approximately 10:30 that night, they didn't handcuff him. They told him "he needed to go down and fill out a statement on the computer so the whole thing was official," she said.

When Geisler learned of Savannah's fate the next morning -- prosecutors say the little girl was taken to Cranston where she was murdered and left in a wooded area -- she was angry, "absolutely angry and furious" at Davis.

But when her anger subsided, Geisler said the questions set in. "I honestly didn't think he could be capable of something like this. It's hard for me to believe because I know the other side of Josh, the loving and caring side. Some might have called him mentally abusive to me, but I never honestly believed he could hurt anyone," she said recently.

LESS THAN a week later, Geisler made the decision to take her daughter and leave Rhode Island to go live with her father in Colorado. She boarded a plane on June 5, Davis' 21st birthday.

That morning, she took Megan to the ACI to say goodbye. Davis, she said, wept and begged her not to take their child.

She left anyway. But distance, she said, hasn't brought many more answers in the two months since.

"I want to know how it is possible that my Joshua Davis, the man I have loved since I was 16, could have done something like this?"



Keep in mind the press took some liberties. Not many but some. He will be sentenced this June. As of today it has been two years.

Number Twelve

A letter to dad:

Hi Dad,
Things are going good. The kids are adjusting and Megan is working on her listening skills and Gabriel is working on his communication skills at school. We just had our 45 day review. I HAVE NOT BEEN LATE TO WORK!!!! And plan to keep it that way. Gabriel is 3 inches shorter than Meg but he weighs the same! I joined the gym, and so far I have only gone 8 times. I am trying to get into the routine but it is a process plus the classes are cool and I am still deciding what class works for me. My plan for Monday is to go once a day. I am washing the laundry. I have turned around the basement and cleaned it up (for the most part) so Chris has a place to be when he comes home. He will be home for a week then he is going back out on the road. Melissa and I went to the zoo on Saturday. I miss the Denver zoo!

Number Eleven

I woke up Tuesday morning and started my journey. I started at Illif and 225, at 9:30am after getting gas. Why there you ask? Well the entire time I lived in Colorado the only time I took 70 east was to go to the airport. And every morning driving to work I thought about taking east instead of west. It was surreal. That could have been because legally I was still drunk or it was my dream finally coming into fruition. I stopped in Accra, CO. There was a rest stop there. It was the last rest stop in CO.

I drove through Kansas on TWO tanks of gas! That is not including the first one. I averaged 28 miles per gallon. Wednesday afternoon I stopped in Missouri to visit my Aunt Lyn and Uncle Cleo who I have not seen in over 18 years. Then Thursday I stopped in Columbus’ OH to have breakfast with my grandmother and lunch with my grandfather. Whom I have not seen in almost 20 years. I was so full all I wanted to do was crawl back in bed. I speed up 91n to meet up with my brother on I80. I did get to stop in Grandpa’s Sweet Shoppe and Cheese Barn. I spent over $100 but I got mother’s day presents. After seeing Chris I decided to go home. I got in Saturday at 5:30 and crashed for two days!

The most I had to pay for gas was $3.55 a gal. in Clairion, PA. According to a local this was the cheapest place to buy gas in the whole area. In Boonton, NJ gas was $3.21. The first day I drove over 633 miles. Day two I only drove 200 miles. Day three I drove 621 miles. And day four I drove over 900 miles!!! My total trip was 2500 miles.

Number Ten

Well hello again,

A lot has happened in the past month. I have my car back, the kids are in school, the trial will be starting in 3 weeks, I met an old friend, lost a friend, started working, almost completed my four online classes, and have been ignoring Joe. I will spend the next few bloggs telling you about my trip, while telling you about the rest.

I got the money together to go get my car from CO early. My social worker suggested that I go as soon as possible and I did. In one week I was ready to go! I purchased a plane ticket on Easter Sunday for $180.00. On Jet Blue Airlines, 36" of leg room and an individual tv with XM radio, is the best way to fly!

I spent Sunday with my family, Easter dinner, cleaned out my car, and packed my car! I stayed at a hotel because Emmy had her birthday that day and I was not going to stay with Jen! We acted like nothing had ever happened. the next day I took a shower and realized I forgot my conditioner. I bought some when I went with Dad and Debbie to the BX exchange. I even got to look for hot guys on the base and trust me that was fun!!

I missed the kids when I got up that morning; but after the phone call in the car on the ride from the bx, I was glad they were in Rhode Island. After having lunch with my father and step mother. Dad and I hung out until 4:30 when I was officially late for my own going away party. I met up with Tanisha, Emm, Tanja, Kelin, Emm's room mate, and the bar tenders. I had a blast I was very out going. We went back to Emmy's house and smoked in her house she got contact high and she was so funny. she had the munchies, and she was very giggly. I slept next to her and she slept next to her gay roommate. LOL

letter (#9)

Letter Three:

Dear Joshua,

Hey you its me again,

Your mom told me about the classes I know it is hard for you to face what you have done. I don't imagine that, that is making the guilt you feel go away any time soon. You should know you can always talk to me. I always want to be your friend and you know you can write no matter what. I have no rules here they know that can't control me. I always have been a free spirit and always will be, you made me that way. You and I need to work out the whole kid thing not ANY of your relatives. I will come visit if that is what it takes but they will not. I brought them when we were on vacation I think that was very kind of me. Don't for one second think that I am not a bitch cuz you know I am. And when it comes to them there is no give and take! It is my way or no way and you have always known that from the day you met me. Anyway, you can't blame yourself for Gramma's death that really was not your fault. Yes You were pretty mean to her, yes you did instigate a lot between her and your mother, and yes you caused her great pain BUT YOU ARE NOT THE REASON SHE DIED!

well got to go I'll talk to you later. Aud

Letter (#8)

Letter Two:

I think it is dam good. I might turn it in as an assignment. But I wrote it for fun.

The Perfect Plan

It was a cool night on the beach at Connimicut point. The waves were crashing against the rocks and the trees were billowing in the wind. The beach was empty; I knew this was the right place. We got out of my 1993 white Ford Thunderbird. I left my shoes in the car and walked across the dampened lush green grass at the point of the beach. I asked Joshua to join me on the stone bench; the temperature was just right; not quite cold, but not hot either. I gazed into his brown eyes, told him how much I loved him, and revealed that we would be parents in a few short months. He squeezed me tight in his masculine strong arms and kissed me with his soft tender lips; I could taste his spearmint gum on my lips. Then he took my hand and led me into the middle of the grass and we lay down together. As I looked up, I could see all the glory of the stars, the sky had to offer. He smelled so good to me, his cologne was Drakar and it was my favorite. It was stronger then the smell of the sea ending its tide. The way it lingered on his clothes as my head was resting on his chest was wonderful. The sound of his heart was beating in my head. His arms rested around me holding my body next to his. We laid there until the sun came up, not talking just breathing in unison; our hearts beating as one. I will never forget that day!

Posted by Me at 03:15 AM

These next few are from my other blog: (#7)

There is to much going on to keep track of more then one blog so I am Combining them. So far there are only three letters. There will be more.


Letter One:

Dear Joshua,

I understand you want to see them but don't have your mother make me! You don't like me pissed off. I need her help I can't do this all by myself. I can but I don't want to! She can give you updates if you need them. You are moving anyway. Their is no reason to get them more confused then they already are. They don't know you, they don't need to either. I am not being mean I know it sounds like that but I really need them to be protected and that is not the way to do it.


How are the classes going? I am doing well so far. Talk to you later.

MY MESSAGES IN A BOTTLE
These are letters to a person I use to love. He is no longer around to hold on to. He has not moved on; his family, which will always have a place for him in their hearts, has to move on with life. He is trapped in a never ending circle, looking through a snow globe wishing he could drown.

Things Remembered (number 6)

Today I helped my mother take things out of her old house. I found my old lock box inside was a calendar from 2006 with the month of June still opened. A sun catcher with a skull hologram hum I bought that for Him along time ago. I wonder why I kept it? Other miscellaneous jewelry. Three lighters and some of his cigarette papers. Oh the odd things we keep! A picture of Megan at 3 months old, a small silk bag.

Those papers came in handy!! I lost my big ones and found his. I was always good at rolling his papers hell I can roll any paper.

OLDER SISTERS SUX (NUMBER FIVE)

OLDER SISTERS SUX!!!! So Jen in her infinite wisdom decided to shut off my phone today. She says she is responsible for it and that I'm, for some reason not going to pay it. but i get paid tomorrow all i asked of her is for her to wait until Monday and if it is not paid off then turn it off! but noooo shes such a controlling asshole! The bill is not even due until the 18th! I am having it switched into my name in like a week and she goes and turns it off. I have important phone calls I am waiting for! She makes me so mad! I do not know how we lived together for 18 months. She tries to control me, she tries to tell me what I can and can not do. If it is not done by her standards or her way it is wrong. If it is not in the same place she put it then all hell will break loose and then she slams and curses under her breath. For example I was letting Megan help me with the dishes and we were putting the pans away, well she decided to cook something and she could not find the pan she wanted. It was in the cabinet where it always was it just was not on the the same shelf. After I got it out she starts in on how it is her kitchen and she wants the pans where they belong. I live there too! Well then I said it was in the right cabinet. That did not help, she slammed all the cabinets and huffed and puffed until she was done making what ever it was that she was making. She is such a baby. I can't stand her! Okay I think I am done ranting. Ten deep breaths, in out one, in out two. .............. Okay Ten !

Number Four

Well Hello again,

Welcome back. So Wednesday I wore a pink nightie, did my hair and make up, put on the brown hooker boots, and my leather coat. Plus I rubbed a great smelling lotion on it is called “winterberry” by bath and body works. I must have smelled good enough to eat because man oh man they were all over me! And apparently when you look like your asking for it and your not that does not seem to make a difference because guys are dumb! No offense, but I had to make this guy get off me. He was dancing well and about the third dance into it he started putting his hands up my dress. Then when I moved it away he coped a feel! That was when i had had enough i walked away. Then the next guy wasn't much better. He was very nice did not put his hands anywhere they are not welcome. Until a few songs into dancing and he started doing the same kind of thing, pulling my dress up. The last guy I danced with was alright he knew where not to put his hands. I did have a good time.

As for the other night Sunday I believe it was, or Saturday? I had dinner with Walty and that went well. We had a few drinks and food at Fridays it was fun and I laughed sooo hard! He is always fun to be around.

Wow a sudden realization just came over me, OH MY GOD!! I think I just had an epiphany:

I can not find someone to replace him, so I am filling the void with others that have some of his admirable qualities.

Examples:

Joe: handy, cute, patient, hard working

Mark: well he is good in the bed room scene

Walty: funny, relatable.

Well I will talk about this at a later time.

The saying for today is something my father said to me when my life was shaken and not stirred.

"Dust off your sandals, and move the fuck on!" That kept me going for a long time.

Number Three

So I am going out again tonight. This time with a friend, Walty. He and I have been friends for a long time and their has always been some kind of sexual tension between us, so it might be nice to see where that all goes. I know I can live up to my new values and thoughts on looking for a man but it is very hard. I am "exploring my options." and I am a little nervous. I don't want a serious relationship, Hell I am not looking for a husband all I want to know is if he can make it in the bed room scene. I have no idea if this makes me a slut, shallow, or how others will perceive me and frankly

"I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS!"

So wish me luck, because out I go on the town then back to his place. May I have the courage to face my fears and rock his world! Well got to go tell you all about tonight and Wednesday night in tomorrows blog.

I do worry that one day, this strength of character, like all other things, will come back and bite me in the other end.

Number Two:

OKAY! Today I would like to share what is playing in my head. OK well my mp3 player. It is an oldie! And a remake.

LeAnn Rimes Unchained Melody:

Oh my love
My darling
I've hungered for your touch
A long lonely time
As time goes by so slowly
that time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love
To me
Lonely rivers flow
To the sea
To the sea
To the open arms
Of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh
"Wait for me, wait for me"
I'll be coming home
Wait for me.

Oh my love
My darling
I've hungered, hungered for your touch
A long lonely time
and i know the time goes by so slowly
that time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love
To me
To ...

Are you cryin yet?

Can you hear it, can you feel those arms wrapped around you, your one true love holding you?? Feel the way you did when you had that first kiss the perfect, I've never had this kind of kiss, in my life, all warm and sensational. The world disappears it is just your lips kissing theirs. Your heart feels as though it will jump out of your chest, free falling. Your knees go week then your feet tingle. You can hear the sound of their heart beating in tune with yours.

thump thump, thump thump,

You feel their breath on yours it smells so sweet, with a hint of cinnamon. Their warm and tender hands, running through you hair. Now see the snow falling around you as you come out of the trance to look into their eyes, your dancing in the snow.

Now, go find the song listen to it as loud as possible, sing along.

Number one

Tonight I am going out to a club; I have not gone out for a while, my confidence is shot. A little liquid confidence will be my friend that plus Nicole and Nikki are coming with me. I moved back home with me two kids and all the bull that that intels. I moved to Colorado when my life was tipped upside down and vigorously shaken then dumped and picked through. Kinda like what you do to a bag of candy when your looking for that one thing and you cant find it.

I'm a little country and a little paranoid. I have a freak inside screaming to get out, but the calm composure of a mom. My kids are my world, they are the only thing that stopped me from ending my life when it was shaken and not stirred. When I look at where I came from and where I have come I get a little proud and thank my lucky stars for my own personal driving force.

People tell me I am strong, I am only as strong as my weakest day!


"Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your gonna get" Forest Gump.
To that I say "BULLSHIT!!!!" a box of chocolates you can squeeze the center of each one and find out weather or not you want to eat that one.