These next few are from my other blog: (#7)

There is to much going on to keep track of more then one blog so I am Combining them. So far there are only three letters. There will be more.


Letter One:

Dear Joshua,

I understand you want to see them but don't have your mother make me! You don't like me pissed off. I need her help I can't do this all by myself. I can but I don't want to! She can give you updates if you need them. You are moving anyway. Their is no reason to get them more confused then they already are. They don't know you, they don't need to either. I am not being mean I know it sounds like that but I really need them to be protected and that is not the way to do it.


How are the classes going? I am doing well so far. Talk to you later.

MY MESSAGES IN A BOTTLE
These are letters to a person I use to love. He is no longer around to hold on to. He has not moved on; his family, which will always have a place for him in their hearts, has to move on with life. He is trapped in a never ending circle, looking through a snow globe wishing he could drown.

Things Remembered (number 6)

Today I helped my mother take things out of her old house. I found my old lock box inside was a calendar from 2006 with the month of June still opened. A sun catcher with a skull hologram hum I bought that for Him along time ago. I wonder why I kept it? Other miscellaneous jewelry. Three lighters and some of his cigarette papers. Oh the odd things we keep! A picture of Megan at 3 months old, a small silk bag.

Those papers came in handy!! I lost my big ones and found his. I was always good at rolling his papers hell I can roll any paper.

OLDER SISTERS SUX (NUMBER FIVE)

OLDER SISTERS SUX!!!! So Jen in her infinite wisdom decided to shut off my phone today. She says she is responsible for it and that I'm, for some reason not going to pay it. but i get paid tomorrow all i asked of her is for her to wait until Monday and if it is not paid off then turn it off! but noooo shes such a controlling asshole! The bill is not even due until the 18th! I am having it switched into my name in like a week and she goes and turns it off. I have important phone calls I am waiting for! She makes me so mad! I do not know how we lived together for 18 months. She tries to control me, she tries to tell me what I can and can not do. If it is not done by her standards or her way it is wrong. If it is not in the same place she put it then all hell will break loose and then she slams and curses under her breath. For example I was letting Megan help me with the dishes and we were putting the pans away, well she decided to cook something and she could not find the pan she wanted. It was in the cabinet where it always was it just was not on the the same shelf. After I got it out she starts in on how it is her kitchen and she wants the pans where they belong. I live there too! Well then I said it was in the right cabinet. That did not help, she slammed all the cabinets and huffed and puffed until she was done making what ever it was that she was making. She is such a baby. I can't stand her! Okay I think I am done ranting. Ten deep breaths, in out one, in out two. .............. Okay Ten !

Number Four

Well Hello again,

Welcome back. So Wednesday I wore a pink nightie, did my hair and make up, put on the brown hooker boots, and my leather coat. Plus I rubbed a great smelling lotion on it is called “winterberry” by bath and body works. I must have smelled good enough to eat because man oh man they were all over me! And apparently when you look like your asking for it and your not that does not seem to make a difference because guys are dumb! No offense, but I had to make this guy get off me. He was dancing well and about the third dance into it he started putting his hands up my dress. Then when I moved it away he coped a feel! That was when i had had enough i walked away. Then the next guy wasn't much better. He was very nice did not put his hands anywhere they are not welcome. Until a few songs into dancing and he started doing the same kind of thing, pulling my dress up. The last guy I danced with was alright he knew where not to put his hands. I did have a good time.

As for the other night Sunday I believe it was, or Saturday? I had dinner with Walty and that went well. We had a few drinks and food at Fridays it was fun and I laughed sooo hard! He is always fun to be around.

Wow a sudden realization just came over me, OH MY GOD!! I think I just had an epiphany:

I can not find someone to replace him, so I am filling the void with others that have some of his admirable qualities.

Examples:

Joe: handy, cute, patient, hard working

Mark: well he is good in the bed room scene

Walty: funny, relatable.

Well I will talk about this at a later time.

The saying for today is something my father said to me when my life was shaken and not stirred.

"Dust off your sandals, and move the fuck on!" That kept me going for a long time.

Number Three

So I am going out again tonight. This time with a friend, Walty. He and I have been friends for a long time and their has always been some kind of sexual tension between us, so it might be nice to see where that all goes. I know I can live up to my new values and thoughts on looking for a man but it is very hard. I am "exploring my options." and I am a little nervous. I don't want a serious relationship, Hell I am not looking for a husband all I want to know is if he can make it in the bed room scene. I have no idea if this makes me a slut, shallow, or how others will perceive me and frankly

"I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS!"

So wish me luck, because out I go on the town then back to his place. May I have the courage to face my fears and rock his world! Well got to go tell you all about tonight and Wednesday night in tomorrows blog.

I do worry that one day, this strength of character, like all other things, will come back and bite me in the other end.

Number Two:

OKAY! Today I would like to share what is playing in my head. OK well my mp3 player. It is an oldie! And a remake.

LeAnn Rimes Unchained Melody:

Oh my love
My darling
I've hungered for your touch
A long lonely time
As time goes by so slowly
that time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love
To me
Lonely rivers flow
To the sea
To the sea
To the open arms
Of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh
"Wait for me, wait for me"
I'll be coming home
Wait for me.

Oh my love
My darling
I've hungered, hungered for your touch
A long lonely time
and i know the time goes by so slowly
that time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love
To me
To ...

Are you cryin yet?

Can you hear it, can you feel those arms wrapped around you, your one true love holding you?? Feel the way you did when you had that first kiss the perfect, I've never had this kind of kiss, in my life, all warm and sensational. The world disappears it is just your lips kissing theirs. Your heart feels as though it will jump out of your chest, free falling. Your knees go week then your feet tingle. You can hear the sound of their heart beating in tune with yours.

thump thump, thump thump,

You feel their breath on yours it smells so sweet, with a hint of cinnamon. Their warm and tender hands, running through you hair. Now see the snow falling around you as you come out of the trance to look into their eyes, your dancing in the snow.

Now, go find the song listen to it as loud as possible, sing along.